


Counting down the days (until I see you again)

by Rebel_Kings



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy-centric, Canon Divergence The 100, F/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Bellamy Blake, Post season 2 The 100, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 22:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6060670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebel_Kings/pseuds/Rebel_Kings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(This is some major Bellarke angst, with a Bellamy centric plot and point of view.)</p><p>It’s been two years since she left, not that he’s keeping count. After the leaves fell and the snow melted Bellamy stopped waiting for her to return. The camp began to heal; slowly at first then one day he woke up and didn’t rush to the gate at the news of someone’s arrival. Time heals all wounds he recalls his mother saying. Not really Bellamy thinks, but it sure as hell makes it hurt less. </p><p>Its two years and two months when they finally agree to another alliance with the grounders. This one is solid; built on the memory of the legend that is: Wanheda. The ghost that made the mountain fall, because neither the grounders or the sky people have seen her. Bellamy thinks, knows that Lexa must have. That this knew alliance wouldn’t have been the grounders idea alone- rather a plan thought up by Lexa and Clarke. Bellamy means to ask her about it later. </p><p>He never does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting down the days (until I see you again)

It’s been two years since she left, not that he’s keeping count. After the leaves fell and the snow melted Bellamy stopped waiting for her to return. The camp began to heal; slowly at first then one day he woke up and didn’t rush to the gate at the news of someone’s arrival. Time heals all wounds he recalls his mother saying. Not really Bellamy thinks, but it sure as hell makes it hurt less.  
Its two years and two months when they finally agree to another alliance with the grounders. This one is solid; built on the memory of the legend that is: Wanheda. The ghost that made the mountain fall, because neither the grounders or the sky people have seen her. Bellamy thinks, knows that Lexa must have. That this knew alliance wouldn’t have been the grounders idea alone- rather a plan thought up by Lexa and Clarke. Bellamy means to ask her about it later. 

He never does. 

The alliance holds this time. It flourishes and thrives until the two communities merge into one functioning society. Grounders come and go throughout camp, and Jaha even makes huts for them to stay in if need be. They trade medical knowledge for survival skills and it becomes a currency. Save him and I’ll make you a fur. It’s a good system. Clarke would have liked it, Bellamy notes. Clarke. She’s a rare thought these days. Her name only flashes like a siren in his head when it absolutely has too. When he sees something he knows she would comment on. Or when someone dies he knows she could have saved. Should have been there to save. Somewhere along the line the feeling of missing her blurs into anger.  
  
Its two years six months, not that he’s keeping count, when he finds one of her old diary’s she left behind. He wasn’t going to look. Really. But the book calls and begs to be opened and he can’t resist. Its not like she will catch him anyway. 

It’s mostly pictures. Swirls of charcoal and colours creating the sky, the trees, their friends, the Dropship, anything Clarke could draw she evidently did. Bellamy wonders when she found time for all these. He flicks through, skimming the portraits. Raven, Octavia, Monty, Jasper, Finn – though that ones incomplete. He winces, realises, Finn must have died before she could finish. His page turning becomes frantic when it’s clear that’s the end. Fuck you. Bellamy thinks, angrier than he thought he would be when finding out Clarke hadn’t bothered to draw him.  
  
It’s two years six months and eight days when- fuck- he realises that he is, in fact, keeping count.  
  
It’s two years seven months when Echo kisses him. The grounders and sky people have found peace. Some, like Murphy (who returned 5 months ago with tails of a blonde haired healer that infiltrated the Ice Nation) are still weary of the grounders but most are open to the peace their presence brings. 

It’s two years seven months when Echo kisses him. When she enters the camp, Bellamy recognises her instantly and offers to show her around. She meets the delinquents, drinks the moonshine and sits by the fire. She kisses him after the kids retreat to their cabins. It was short and sweet. She tastes like moonshine. Like light, like peace, like… fuck, Clarke. His brain fuzzes and floods with Clarke. He pushes Echo away and retreats to his cabin. 

Echo leaves the camp the next day with the promise to give word that new winter furs are needed.  
  
Its 3 years when they leave for Polis. Bellamy, Miller, Raven, Octavia, Kane and Abby. The council. In the aftermath of Clarke’s decision to leave, the camp was lost. Abby grieved for her lost daughter. The lost princess. Bellamy recalled a quote from his childhood and thought it was fitting. Raven fiercely missed her friend after it became obvious she wasn’t returning. Octavia grew angrier as the weeks dragged on and threatened to ‘fucking drag Clarke back herself.’ Bellamy stopped her. Told the camp that he understood. That if he could accept this is what she needed, wanted, then they could too. Though it was a lie and he fucking hates Clarke for making him say those things. 

In the anger, the guilt and the sadness a council was formed to make sure no one person made the decisions alone again. That what was done had to be, and it was done together. So they set out for Polis. 

The journey is long and hard. Bellamy is anticipating an ambush and is on alert 24/7. After a days walk they rest. Take up camp by a lagoon that reflects the pale moonlight and is framed by a thick forest. Bellamy takes first watch. 

It has been three years and one day since he’d seen her but there, in the glittering moonlight, she stands. When he turns to the lagoon he recognises that blonde mop of hair instantly. It’s longer but just as messy. Her clothes are different but her body the same. He knows the way she moves, walks and sleeps. This is Clarke. Her back is to him; she is facing the lagoon. She isn’t skinny or gaunt like he had imagined. She isn’t starving or pale faced. She is just Clarke and she doesn’t need saving. So he doesn’t move to. Doesn’t alert the others like he knows he should. He just stands; mesmerized by the girl he thought he had lost forever. 

He watches her fill her canteen, glance around and scuttle off into the night. 

It had been 3 years and one day since she’d left. It has been 2 minuets since he’d seen her.  


When morning broke he toys with the idea that it was a dream. That it is still in fact 3 years and 2 days since he last saw her. But the small crescent shape marks in his palm told him otherwise as he remembers clenching his fits to stop himself shouting, calling to her. 

He now has two countdowns. Time Since she had left and time since he had last seen her. He hopes to wind back the latter to zero.  
  
It’s only a day before he sees her again. Though this time she sees him too. He’s filling his canteen, just like she had done, when he stands and comes face to face with her for the first time in over three years. Whatever he had pictured this moment to be like, it was so far fetched from the actual thing. 

She stands there motionless. He screws up his canteen. She kneels down and fills hers. He stands motionless. When it becomes apparent know one is going to speak they just stare. They stare into each others eyes like they are drowning and any hint of emotion will save them. They drown. 

Bellamy turns to leave. Anger and grief mixing, swirling, bubbling in his chest. 

“Don’t tell them I’m here.” She says. And oh god he never thought he’d miss her voice. But he does. God he does. It’s lower than he remembers, like it has been weathered by her time alone. 

“Why?” he asks, puzzled. “They miss you Clarke” her name feels foreign on his tongue. It hadn’t been uttered in so long. Too long. He realises he never wants to stop saying her name. Clarke, Clarke ,Clarke. It would take him three years and then some for him to ever tire of hearing her name. He misses it. He misses her. 

He knows that soon it will be a whisper in the wind and that she will vanish. Just like she did before. So he is blunt. “I miss you Clarke. Please, please come back with me. With us. It’s been three years. It’s been long enough. Come home.” He moves towards her. She moves away. “I have no home.” She tells him. “Bullshit” he tells her. 

He gets angry with her then. He tells her that they have a home. Camp Jaha, The Dropship, each other. He tells her what his mother had told him; that maybe sometimes home isn’t four walls but two arms. She stays silent. 

He tells her he thought he loved her before Mount Weather. And the heartbreak he felt when she left clarified that he did. He tells her that he couldn’t kiss Echo – not when he only wanted to kiss her. His words are spilling out of him uncontrollably because he knows deep down this will be the last time he sees her. 

She tells him that love is weakness. That to love is to destroy and that she won’t be responsible for his heart. That she can’t destroy that too. 

Bellamy understands then that she hasn’t healed. That maybe time can heal a bone and scar a wound, but it cannot mend a heart. It cannot stitch together the void you feel in your heart when the person you love rips it out all over again. 

He tells her he loves her. Not past, but present. She stares. She tells Bellamy she’s leaving when they hear voices. She tells him to be careful in Polis with glassy eyes and a sad smile. He knows it’s I love you too. Then she leaves. Her name nothing but a whisper; as he predicted.

He doesn’t tell them she was there. 

They leave for polis a few hours later.

He decided that he can’t keep count anymore, not when the numbers will be endless. They leave for polis and he leaves Clarke behind. For good.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading! I have an epilogue planned and half-written so leave Kudos / comments if you liked it and want to read more!
> 
> Also, i'm still very new to fic writing and would appreciate any input (leave me a comment/ message) on any mistakes or techniques errors so I can fix them, thanks!


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